Crazy Lady on the Plane

Okay. So, now that I have defiled all of my Sicily photos by posting them on facebook, I feel even less obligated to getting around to telling you all about them! For now, my interactions with the woman next to me on the plane ride there...

I got to Sicily via RyanAir, a British low-cost airline company that's been the source of many hours of daydreams of how to GTFO of Eu. The train goes directly from Eu to Beauvais, outside of Paris, where the airport is. On the plane I ended up speaking to the woman next to me, who was absolutely bonkers. We started chatting, explaining our current life projects and why we were headed to Sicily. The she asked me exactly where in Sicily I was headed, and the conversation took a turn for the awkward...

"Where in Sicily are you headed?"

"I don't know..."

"What do you mean, 'you don't know'?!"

"I mean I forgot to write down the name of my friends village..."

The lady and her husband both began to frantically rattle off the name of every village in Sicily that they can thing of...

"This isn't helping... I don't think my friend has ever told me the name of her village... I've seen it written, but wouldn't know how it's pronounced with an Italian accent."

"What do you plan to do if your friend isn't waiting for you at the airport?"

"I don't really know. I trust her, I'm sure she'll be there."

"Well, if she's not there, you could always come stay with us."

"Oh, that's incredibly sweet of you!"

"Do you have a piece of paper? I can write you our address."

So I hand the lady my planner and a pen. She proceeds to give me her address, the name of her village, and her home and cell phone numbers. As she's handing me back my planner she notices the ring on my finger, a simple sapphire that my grandmother gave me for Christmas.

[At this point in the conversation, she takes out a cigarette and lighter, and proceeds to imitate smoking her cigarette for the remainder of the flight, occasionally flicking her lighter.]

"Oh, do you have a boyfriend waiting for you back home?"

"Nope."

Somehow the conversation passes from my [lack of] love life to my plans for the future. I told her I'd love to stay in France, or try to do a masters in translation, but it's complicated because I'm not European, and visas are expensive and require going home.

"Why not just find yourself a European husband?" She asks.

"Well, finding a husband isn't as easy as just snapping my fingers."

"Oh, but it is. you're young and cute."

"I think it takes more than that..."

"No! My friend who is going to pick me up from the airport, he's single... You'll see. He's got nice, plump lips, and beautiful, long fingers..."

She proceeds to tell me all about her friend, who's 43 years old and beautiful, but unfortunately didn't inherit anything when his parents died. So he's not incredibly well-to-do, but still available, if I want him. On and on it goes, all about his family, his relationship with his parents and siblings, his property and how many rooms there are in his house and his job and I am starting to fear it'll never end.

Finally we land and the lady barrels through everyone else on the airplane to get off, and more or less darts for the airport exit.

I take my sweet time getting off the plane, and when I get there, Gera and her mother are waiting for me, as planned. I notice the crazy lady (finally having her cigarette) and her husband, with a third man who's dragging their luggage. The lady waves at me then points at the man, but I'm already in the safety of Gera's dad's car...

Maybe someday I'll send her a postcard?